Amber, F, 36, Mexico.
Writer and tired of this late capitalism shit.
An anything-goes kind of blog.
Currently stuck in Genshin Impact Hell: Lukae, Zhongchi, Ayathoma, Ittorou, Haikaveh & Cynonari
You may find stuff from: games, books, quotes, and anything else I may like at the moment.
you can’t ship these two characters they’re “sibling coded” bc they banter :/ you can’t ship these two characters they grew up together which is basically the same thing as incest :/ you can’t enjoy this character because they did bad things and if you enjoy them you’re condoning that and you are evil :/ you can’t ship this character with anyone because they’re minor coded bc they’re short/autistic :/ you can’t ship these two because they’re enemies so it’s abuse :/
you have to watch this show/read this book bc it has queer representation! what’s it about? uuuuuuh….. ……. it has queer characters!!!!
why isn’t fandom fun anymore what happened we will never know
A psychiatrist told med that I’ll most likely have to take meds for the rest of my life. At first that bothered me, but not anymore.
Medication can be a huge help and it’s certainly been crucial for me. So what I want to say to you is: it’s okay. If you need meds, take them, There’s no shame in needing medication, even if you’ll always need it. It’s okay.
I think we all need a reminder of this sometimes.
-J
[Image: Hand drawn picture of a prescription pill bottle labeled “take once a day” and three pills with the text “It’s okay if you need to take medication for the rest of your life.”]
I don’t care if I need to take them forever tbh
There’s nothing wrong with managing your health to feel okay the rest of your life
now this may surprise some of the audience, but the majority of humans have to survive a phase called “being a teenager” and the results are often catastrophic
Some great advice I got from a therapist when we were discussing guilt over past actions and behaviors (some paraphrased, some written down during session):
“You only ever realize you did something less than ideal once you’ve grown past it. So if you find yourself thinking, ‘Wow, I was a terrible person,’ or ‘Oh man, I did this rude awful thing,’ try reframing it as: ‘Wow, I’ve grown into a much better person now,’ or ‘Oh man, I am a much kinder and more understanding person who knows not do something like that again.’ Nobody starts out perfectly kind and reasonable, and it’s worth recognizing and celebrating when you’ve grown as a human being.”
Haha, yep.
Just yesterday I was thinking about how in my early 20′s I was a huge piece of shit on the internet, and to some close friends.
And the real trick to it is falling madly in love with literally everything. Gomez Addams isn’t just madly in love with Morticia, he’s madly in love with his house, with his train set, with his kids, with his brother, with his weird normie neighbors, with literally everything. Different kinds of love for each, but love all the same. For having such morbid tastes, Gomez is madly in love with life. THAT’S how you land a Morticia, by being unapologetically and madly in love with everything around you.
Bitches love me for my passionate swag and my unrelenting appreciate for the zest of life
I often see people ask how to get started with doing this, because it seems like a daunting task to be in love with everything, when you are starting off in love with nothing, or very few things perhaps. But the answer isn’t grand or elaborate or secret. The answer is to pick something, and choose love.
And then do it again, and again, and again.
The act of being in love is just choosing love over and over.
The act of being
in love is just choosing love
over and over.
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
The act of being in love is just choosing love over and over
The act of being
in love is just choosing love
over and over
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
Continuing the theme of abuse blogging today, earlier I saw a post talking about the phenomenon of wanting to outlaw things (types of media or depiction of certain topics mostly) because “they can be used to groom” or “were used to groom (me/someone I know)”
And I don’t want to air my personal trauma on op’s post, but like they said, anything can be used to groom, because the problem isn’t The Thing Itself but the motivations of the groomer
It’s like that posts about wooden sailing ships where people keep saying “hope you like scurvy” or “weren’t these used in the slave trade” as if somehow the ships themselves caused those things to happen
Literally anything can be used to groom. Any topic. Any interest. Any object. Abstract concepts like ‘relationships.’
My dad groomed me by:
1) being my parent and having constant and unlimited access to + control over me from birth, the ability to define reality and normalcy for me, and enjoying a bunch of social conventions that meant anything he did to me was basically seen as his business and no one else’s and the default assumption was that any intimate contact he had with me was harmless or necessary
(I can remember, as a child being taught about bad touching in school, thinking that “only your doctor or parents should touch you in these places” sounded an awful lot like an abusable loophole)
and that it would be worse to baselessly suspect or accuse him of abuse and be wrong than to let me be abused because there wasn’t proof
(It was in fact pretty fucking obvious and every so often I think about every single teacher, family member, and other adult in my life who saw how I was and did/said nothing, and how many of those adults actually seemed genuinely contemptuous of me for my Obviously Traumatized Child Symptoms And Behaviors, and am briefly overcome with rage)
And 2) being nicer to me than he was to my brother, treating me like I was special, and doing fun things like taking me on trips.
A lot of the things he said and did to me as a child were self-evidently abusive and dysfunctional, like outright telling me it was normal for parents to have favorites, not only playing me and my brother against each other for his affection but me and my mom, telling me he knew me better than I knew myself and could tell what I was thinking and feeling just by looking at me, making me into his personal therapist and constantly telling me in graphic detail about the abuse he suffered as a child + his history with drug use and abuse + his marital problems with my mom + his mental health issues + his sex life and sexual interests (this also functioned as a way of training me to keep secrets, because he’d tell me things he Wasn’t Supposed To so then I’d feel like we were co-conspirators and I was special and mature, etc etc)
but the fundamental thing underlying all of these specifics was making me feel special and uniquely loved by him, and then manipulating those feelings and that attachment in order to use me for his sexual as well as emotional gratification without having to worry about me fighting back, arguing, or telling anyone.
A lot of the stuff he did would have been otherwise normal if it wasn’t him doing it!
There’s nothing wrong with taking your kid on a business trip with you because you travel for work and it means they get to go all around the country and see places they might not have otherwise, if you’re not molesting that kid.
When I was very little, he had a ritual where every weekend he’d ask me to name three things I wanted to do that I’d never done before, and then we’d go do those things. That’s a great way of introducing your child to new experiences and bonding with them and making them feel like you love and value them and their thoughts, if you’re not molesting that kid.
So are we going to ban parents staying in hotels with their kids? Roadtrips? Daytrips?
I do think there are a lot of problems with the current nuclear family structure as well as the social and legal concepts of 'the family’ that make it much easier to abuse children and much harder for those children to get help, but the solution isn’t “no one should ever have a child because parents can abuse their kids”, it’s to create structures that make it harder to abuse kids with impunity and easier for abused kids to get help.
This is just one specific instance of abuse, but I think it’s illustrative of the flaw in the “ban all things that could plausibly be used to groom” reasoning. There isn’t a single thing or topic you could have banned that would have kept me from being groomed and abused.
The reason it happened is because my dad was a deeply dysfunctional person who ended up with access to two children who couldn’t leave and didn’t know any better, and the only thing that might have kept it from happening in the first place was if social support systems existed so that my mom hadn’t been so afraid of being a single mother when she got pregnant with me that she married him despite knowing it was a bad idea and being warned away by his own mother.
“If gross stuff that makes me uncomfortable stops existing, abuse will stop” is a child’s logic. You weren’t groomed because of porn or Twilight or incest fiction or shotacon hentai. You were groomed because a person decided to manipulate and abuse you using whatever tools they thought were most effective, and if those specific ones hadn’t been available they would have used something else. Blaming the material is like running into a door and blaming it for being there.
ALT
